Category Archives: Death

Getting Past Prejudices with the Musical Rent

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The warning signs outside the theater were ominous: “Adult content not suitable for children.”  Looking around as we entered, I had to remember that the college-age students there were not children.  That’s hard to do when you have offspring older than most present, including the actors performing the show.  Carol and I were there by assignment to see the musical “Rent,” the Tony and Pulitzer award winning rock-opera drama about life in New York’s Lower East Side in the late 1980’s.  It takes place in the neighborhood known as Alphabet City, an area primarily inhabited by bohemian young people wanting to break into theater, TV or music.  Sadly, the area also had high levels of illegal drug activity, violent crime and HIV/AIDS.

Undoubtedly the themes of homosexuality, AIDS, drug addiction and homelessness prompted the warnings about the adult content.  The characters include a gay male couple in which both partners have AIDS, an on-again/off-again lesbian couple, and a straight couple in which both partners have AIDS and both have a history of intravenous drug use.  It’s not exactly “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown,” and was written intentionally to shake things up, but also to address the concepts of love, loss and community.  Those are the themes that I would like to address in this essay.  If we can overcome bigotry and be compassionate towards people living with AIDS for a few moments then we can be uplifted by some beautiful elements of Rent.

I’ll admit I was a little put-off when I read some of the articles and reviews of the play in advance of witnessing the production.  I wanted to know more about the story before I saw it.  I like to think I’m not homophobic but from what I had read in some reviews, the lifestyle went beyond mere portrayal; it was celebrated, endorsed and flaunted in your face.  I didn’t want to see that.  I’m old-fashioned in that I believe that some things should be left private, and sexual activity is one of them.  However, the production that we saw must have been a tamed-down version because there was only occasional gay kissing and touching, nothing too disturbing.  I was more bothered by the decibels of the musicians, which sometimes drowned out the singers.

Outstanding Music

The songs in Rent are the first of the beautiful and uplifting elements that I noticed.  The entire play is a musical.  It seemed like there were very few lines spoken that were not actually sung.  Even the hilarious little phone messages peppered throughout the play were delightfully sung to us, adding much entertainment to the dramatic production.  Who hasn’t heard “Seasons of Love,” especially since it has been playing in some TV commercial lately?  Although not particularly uplifting to me, La Vie Boheme was immensely entertaining.  Other enjoyable songs included Your Eyes, Goodbye Love, Light My Candle, Tango Maureen, Out Tonight, One Song Glory, I Should Tell You, Take Me Or Leave Me, No Day But Today, and Living in America.

I can’t think of one thing with more universal appeal than the idea of love.  Who doesn’t want to be loved?  I have met people who have said no when I asked them if they wanted to be happy in life but I have never met someone who said no when asked if they wanted to be loved or at least accepted for who they are.  Of the three major themes I saw in the play, the idea of being loved came across the strongest.  Although they had a lot of emotional handicaps and baggage, these were people dealing with building relationships.  I can’t identify with being a drag queen but when Angel was dying, I found myself shedding a tear for Collins’ loss.

Living with Loss

These people lived with loss every day.  That’s why one of the recurring songs was entitled, “No Day but Today.”  How they dealt with that loss teaches a lot about the idea of community.  They came together in their grief.  They comforted one another.  They took care of one another the best they could.  Mimi was not judged for her drug addiction but was encouraged to live without it and find something better to take its place.  Since so many of their friends were dying, they adopted the motto to live for the day and to reach for their dreams one day at a time.  How hard it must be to make plans for the future when you are living with a disease like AIDS.

It was love and loss that built their community.  They only had each other.  Rejected by so many outside their world, they had to give each other strength, and they did.  Although the ending was a little hokey with Angel becoming the angel who told Mimi to go back when she was dying, the love that developed between Roger and Mimi was delightful to witness.  How can you not love a happy, feel-good ending where the main characters find happiness in each other?   Except there’s one big problem – they still have AIDS and will die someday.  But then, so will we all.  See, it really does have universal appeal.  The play mirrors life that someday will end.

After seeing the play, Carol read the script and I read dozens of reviews.  I was fascinated by the dichotomy of opinions expressed.  It seems that most reviewers either loved it or hated it.  One said she had never walked out of a play before in her life but walked out on Rent.  She must have had a family member in our audience because a couple in front of us walked out at the first encounter of affection expressed between Angel and Collins.  Were they homophobic?  In all probability, yes they were.  I mean, the music was loud and the show could be confusing if you weren’t paying close attention, but it was obvious that they didn’t like what they were seeing.

Reviews from Viewers

Here’s a quote from one of those reader reviews I found in the NY Times about the time the show was closing after a twelve-year run:  “If you want homosexuality and drug addiction rubbed in your face, then this is the play for you. I basically hated it, if you haven’t figured that out yet.”  In contrast, “Rent is a fabulous roller-coaster ride of emotion. The characters are extremely real, and so are the troubles they face. The songs are beautiful and the energy and electricity of it is so wonderful that you are a complete moron if you don’t like it. The only reason anyone wouldn’t like this show is if they are homophobic, intolerant, and weak.”

But my favorite had to be, “So let’s see… a group of drug addicted promiscuous squatters are the heroes and the one person who breaks from the group and becomes successful and buys the building (which they live in illegally) is the bad-guy because he wants rent… hhhmmmm… and let’s see, we have loud screeching that we’re supposed to call singing but it’s “cool dude” ’cause the lead is just so hot looking and has the teeny bopper girls squealing in delight.  This is a show for the MTV-Put-Upon Generation… pure junk.”  Opinions of performances are one thing but this reviewer was obviously passing judgment and commenting on the lifestyle choices.

The Composer

Part of the impact of the show is the death of the composer and writer, Jonathan Larson, who died of an aortic dissection, believed to have been caused by Marfan syndrome, on the night before the play opened off Broadway.  In spite of his death, the show went on.  Glowing reviews began to appear. The six-week run sold out immediately.  In the months to come, Rent moved to Broadway, won four Tony awards, including the prize for best musical, and Jonathan Larson won the Pulitzer Prize for drama, posthumously.  The show went on to become one of the longest running productions on Broadway and is now enjoying a second life in local theater.

Social Impact

Rent has had and is still having a social impact.  While the play is now a little dated with the use of pay phones, answering machines and clunky old cell phones the size of a brick, it is still attracting younger crowds wherever it plays.  Of course, that was probably inevitable in our case, given that our venue was a local community college.  Wherever it opens, it is reviewed by the local theater critics.  The comments posted on those online reviews demonstrate that some of the same prejudices and bigotry are still alive and well in America today.  Rent is a wonderful example of American creativity that reaches to the very heart of our lives through love and loss.  I hope our community has changed and become more tolerant in the years since it first opened.

I haven’t included a lot of quotes from the musical, because frankly, they aren’t very deep.  For example, here’s one from the song, Light my Candle: “I didn’t recognize you without the handcuffs.”  And from Angel, the transvestite, “I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be and more of a woman than you’ll ever get.”  From the song Will I, about dying from AIDS: “Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?”  I suppose my favorite has to be “There will always be women in rubber flirting with me…”  That last quote is from Maureen, one of the two lesbians.  Some of the stuff is really quite funny, if you can just get past the idea that these are people looking for love in unorthodox relationships.

Unorthodox Relationships

And that is the point of the play and the impact it has had on America.  How do we view the lives of those who are not in orthodox relationships?  Do we view them as sinners, in need of repentance and salvation, who will suffer in hell because of their poor lifestyle choices?  I am confident that there are millions of people who will voice that very opinion without hesitation.  Or do we love and accept them, making an effort to help them find happiness and success in life?  That is one of the toughest choices in life, especially for those who have family members living in a lifestyle that is contrary to the moral principles that they value.  Rent helps us see past the pain and sorrow of rejection and loss of those who live with AIDS and still manage to have hope.

It’s that final scene of hope that I find most uplifting and inspiring about the play.  They found hope because they loved and supported each other through their loss and sorrow.  I think Jonathan Larson would be pleased to think that his play has helped us to become more loving and supportive of each other, especially those who deal with AIDS on a daily basis.  And in the end, the millions he earned posthumously from the play helps others pursue their writing careers.

Note: Carol saw the play with me and shared an excellent review on her blog.

Death is the door to the spirit world

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My dad passed away last week after a relatively short illness of less than six weeks. Dad’s death, about four years after my mother’s death has brought our family closer together. For example, although we always communicate via email at least weekly, I feel a greater desire to stay closer to my brother, who lived with dad over the last year and is now all alone. Death does that to you.

My sisters were wonderful all through dad’s sickness. They took time off from work to be with dad day after day, week after week. I think that’s an amazing demonstration of love on their part. My dad deserved it. I have written about him previously. He was the most unselfish, kind and gentle person I have ever known. Even when dying, he didn’t want us to fuss over him.

A priesthood blessing

As dad was passing through the last few days of his illness, he kept asking my sisters to open the door. At first, they thought he meant that literally and would open the door to the room widely. But he kept saying, “No, the door isn’t open.” Finally my one sister understood what he wanted and called on the priesthood brethren to come give him a blessing and release him from this life.

I wish I could have been there that night but distance kept me away. How grateful I am to know that there are good faithful holders of the priesthood who are willing to come bless a dying man. In less than thirty minutes after the blessing in which he was told that he had completed his mission on this earth, he breathed his last breath and then passed quietly into the spirit world.

Visits from the spirit world

I know you’ve probably read many accounts over the years of people who have been visited by loved ones from the spirit world. If not, I’ll refer you to some sources at the end of this essay. Dad told us many times that mother came to visit him after she died. He spoke often of having talked with her during the last few weeks of his illness. She was anxiously awaiting him there.

The LDS faith is not the only one that teaches of an afterlife, but I think we are fairly unique and precise in our explanations of the spirit world. We have a wealth of teachings and scriptures that attest to the reality and the purpose of the spirit world. It is a place of gathering and waiting for those who have died and have not yet learned all that is needed in preparation for resurrection.

What the spirit world is like

At the time of physical death, the spirit leaves the body and goes to the spirit world, where we will continue to learn and progress. In the spirit world, memories of this life and the knowledge we have gained on Earth will remain with us. Death will not change our personality or our desire for good or evil. We will be about as happy or as unhappy there as we are here and now.

The spirit world is not our final resting place. We are simply there for a time, learning, growing and preparing for the day when our bodies and spirits will be reunited or resurrected, never to die again. That is an amazing thought to contemplate and one that gives me great hope and joy. I am confident that the separation of death is only temporary. We will one day become immortal.

The work of the spirit world

In what is one of those unique teachings of the LDS faith, we believe that there is a great work going on in the spirit world. It is a work of gathering and organizing. It is also a work in which we can be involved here upon the earth. Of course I refer to the work of family history research. Participating in this work now can bring us close to family members living in the spirit world.

Countless thousands of individuals have testified of help they have received from beyond the veil as their hearts have been turned to their fathers in seeking them out. This desire to discover and learn more about the lives of our ancestors is called the Spirit of Elijah and refers to the mission of the prophet Elijah. This is one of the things that was restored through the prophet Joseph.

Seek knowledge of the spirit world

The prophet Joseph taught that we should study diligently about the spirit world. “It is but reasonable to suppose that God would reveal something in reference to the matter, and it is a subject we ought to study more than any other. We ought to study it day and night… If we have any claim on our Heavenly Father for anything, it is for knowledge on this important subject.”

Unfortunately, most of us are so busy with the cares of this world that we rarely study or ponder what our life will be like in the spirit world. For many us, our daily work consumes way too much of our energy. We busy ourselves with tasks that have little meaning in the eternities. There is a time for everything, and that includes time to meditate about those in the spirit world.

Seeking out our ancestors

A large part of our faith is temple worship service. I like to call it that because it is a place where we go to be closer to the spirit world and to give service in providing proxy ordinances for those who are living on the other side of the veil. While we don’t worship our ancestors, we are taught that we cannot be made perfect without them. We must be sealed to them in an unbroken chain.

My mother understood this concept well. She was consumed with family history research almost from the day she joined the church. She spent more than half of her life seeking out and finding the names and pertinent dates of our family members. Most of her efforts were directed towards her maternal ancestors, and often told me of special help she received as she sought them out.

The Spirit of Elijah

As mother came closer to death, her sense of urgency in completing the ordinances for those she had discovered was profound. In an almost daily ritual she would call or email and ask me if I had completed the work for some family members that she had submitted. In all, mother was responsible for the ordinances of over 25,000 family members over a forty year period of time.

While I have not been as intense about this passion as my mother, I also keenly feel this sense of urgency to ensure that the ordinances are performed for family members waiting in the spirit world. This is the Spirit of Elijah that is prompting me to do all I can to fulfill my promise to my family, made before I came to this world. That spirit can help each of us if we pray for it.

The door to the spirit world

I loved my dad. I still do. I know where he is. He is with my mother and his own parents. He is nearby. We believe that the spirit world is here on this earth and that the spirits of those who have departed are not far from us. They are concerned for our happiness and welfare. I know dad is at peace now and that is not just an idle wish. I feel it deep within my heart and soul.

Dad suffered a bit before he died but endured it valiantly. He passed through death as he passed through life – without complaint. But dad knew that it was time to go and knew that there was a door through which he must pass. In his case, he needed to hear the words of the brethren of the priesthood telling him that he had completed his life’s work; that he could go through that door.

Summary and conclusion

All men must die. We know that. No matter how much we may get caught up in the things of this world while we are here, there comes a time in everyone’s life in which we contemplate death and what comes next. I am grateful for a faith that teaches me not only of the purpose of life and where I came from, but what will happen to me after I die. I will continue to live.

Death is not the end. It is only a doorway through which we must pass. It is one step in the eternal scheme of things. There is so much more to come after we get to the other side. We continue our journey, learning and preparing for that glorious day of resurrection, when we come forth as perfect, immortal and eternal beings, never to die again. I look forward to that day.

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For more about the spirit world (from my library):

1. Visits from Beyond the Veil by Marlene Bateman Sullivan, Horizon Publishers, 2002
2. Spirit World Manifestations by Joseph Heinerman, Magazine Printing and Publishing, 1978
3. Temple Manifestations, by Joseph Heinerman, Magazine Printing and Publishing, 1974
4. The Gateway we call Death, by Russell M. Nelson, Deseret Book, 1995
5. Life after Death, by Robert L. Millet, Deseret Book, 1999
6. Beyond the Veil – vol 1, by Lee Nelson, Cedar Fort, 1988
7. Beyond the Veil – vol 2, by Lee Nelson, Cedar Fort, 1989
8. The Journey beyond Life, by Michele R. Sorensen, Family Affair Books, 1988
9. Life Everlasting, Duane S. Crowther, Bookcraft, 1967
10. Beyond Death’s Door, Brent L. and Wendy C. Top, Bookcraft, 1993

Death is a time of reflection

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The death of a loved one is always a time of tender feelings and reflection. We think upon the accomplishments of those who we have known but have now passed on. We marvel at their tremendous influence upon us, so constant, patient and kind.

The difficult times are forgotten, the cherished memories of sweet moments together are stirred up once again. Feelings of love are brought to our bosom as we think of the excitement of joys shared, beauty appreciated and sorrows overcome together.

We miss our loved ones. We miss their companionship and contributions to our lives. We wonder what they are doing now – who they are visiting and how they are feeling. We know the trials and pains of mortal life are over for them and are grateful.

I have finished my day’s work

Victor Hugo, the author of Les Miserables, penned these words that I find comforting. “For half a century I have been writing my thoughts in prose and in verse – history, philosophy, drama, romance, tradition, satire, ode and song. I have tried it all.

“But I feel I have not said the thousandth part of what is in me. When I go down to the grave I can say, like many others, ‘I have finished my day’s work! But I cannot say, ‘I have finished my life.’ My day’s work will begin again the next morning.”

Harold B. Lee said, “Death of a loved one is the most severe test that you will ever face, and if you can rise above your griefs and if you will trust in God, then you will be able to surmount any other difficulty with which you may be faced.”

Death is but a door

Death is the golden key that opens the palace of eternity. Death and love are the two wings that bear the good man or woman into heaven. Each departed loved one is a magnet that attracts us to the next world. We long to be with them once again.

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. Is death the last sleep? No, it is the last and final awakening. Your mother closed her eyes in peaceful slumber, and awakened with loved ones.

Death is a graduation day and a time of assessment to see what we have become. It is a mere comma, not an exclamation point! Let us remember that death is a form of life which we do not yet understand. Those who leave us are welcomed by others there.

We live on the other side

When God sends forth a tiny soul to learn the ways of earth, a mother’s love is waiting here – we call this wonder birth. When God calls home a fleeting breath, a Father’s love is waiting there. This too is birth – not death.

Death, though bitter to observe, is not the end, but is, rather, only another graduation from which we go on to a better life. While mortals mourn, “A good woman has died,” the angels proclaim, “A beautiful child is born.”

She is not dead, this friend; not dead, but, in the path we mortals tread, gone some few trifling steps ahead, and nearer to the end; so that you, too, once past the bend, shall meet again, as face to face, this friend you fancy dead.

Everyone must die

Everyone must die. Death is an important part of life. Of course, we are never quite ready for the change. Not knowing when it should come, we properly fight to retain our life. Yet we ought not be afraid of death.

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. Death is as the foreshadowing of life. We die that we may die no more. This world is the land of the dying; the next is the land of the living.

Who that hath ever been could bear to be no more? Yet who would tread again the scene he trod through life before? To find loved ones waiting on the shore, more beautiful, more precious than before. The only way to take the sorrow out of death is to take the love out of life.

Death is but a farewell

Dearest sister, thou hast left us, and thy loss we deeply feel, yet ‘tis God that has bereft us, He can all our sorrows heal. Yet again we hope to see thee, when death’s gloomy night has fled, in heaven with joy to greet thee, where no bitter tears are shed.

From Cicero, a great orator of ancient Rome, “Do not suppose, my dearest ones, that when I have left you I shall be nowhere and no one. Even when I was with you, you did not see my soul, but knew that it was in this body of mine from what I did.

“Believe then that it is still the same, even though you see it not. Wherefore, preserve my memory by the loyalty of your lives. Death is not a subject for mourning when it is followed by immortality. Beyond this vale of tears, there is life above.”

God saw her getting tired

God saw her getting tired; a cure was not to be. So he wrapped her in his loving arms and whispered, “Come with me.” She suffered much in silence, her spirit did not bend. She faced her pain with courage, until the very end.

She tried so hard to stay with us; her fight was all in vain. God took her to his loving home, and freed her from all the pain. We only really understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one who we love and takes them from us for a time.

Farewell, dear sister, we shall meet no more till we arrive on Canaan’s happy shore; There we shall meet at our Redeemer’s seat and cast our crowns of victory at His feet. For He is the resurrection and the life; giving hope to those who believe.

Death is not final

“Since the creation of man, no fact has been more certain as death with the close of mortality. When the last of life’s breath is drawn, there is a finality comparable to no other finality. Life is sacred, and death is somber. Life is buoyant and hopeful. Death is solemn and dark. It is awesome in its silence and certainty.

“But death is not final. Though it seems so when its dark shroud overshadows mortal life, to those who accept the Christ and His eternal mission there is light and comfort, there is assurance, there is certainty.” – President Gordon B. Hinckley

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.

We are immortal beings

We believe that we are immortal beings. We believe in the resurrection of the dead, and that Jesus Christ came forth from the grave to everlasting life, his spirit and body uniting never more to be separated.

So has be opened the way for every son or daughter of Adam, whether living or dead, to come forth from the grave to a newness of life, to become immortal souls, body and spirit united, never to be severed any more. – Joseph F. Smith

In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

The resurrection is real

The spirits of the just are exalted to a greater and more glorious work; hence they are blessed in their departure to the world of the spirits. Enveloped in flaming fire, they are not far from us, and know and understand our thoughts, feelings and motions.

When you see men and women in the resurrection, we shall see them in the very bloom of their glorious manhood and womanhood, and he has promised all who would keep his commandments and obey the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, the restoration of their houses, glorified, immortalized, celestialized, fitted to dwell in the presence of God.

“I am sure if we can imagine ourselves at our very best, physically, mentally, spiritually, that is the way we will come back – perhaps not as a child or youth, perhaps in sweet and glorious maturity, but not in age or infirmity or distress or pains or aches.” – Spencer W. Kimball

Let us not fear death

Men fear death as if it were unquestionably the greatest evil; and yet, no man knows that it may not be the greatest good. It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind.

We picture death as coming to destroy; let us rather picture Christ as coming to save. We think of death as an ending; let us rather think of death as a beginning, and that more abundantly. We think of losing; let us think of gaining.

We think of going away; let us think of arriving. No man who is fit to live need fear to die. Death is the golden key that opens the palace of eternity. As the voice of death whispers, “You must go from earth,” let us hear the voice of Christ saying…

Come unto Christ

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter-day upon the earth.

For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. “All that is, at all, lasts ever, past recall; Earth changes, but thy soul and God stand sure. What entered into thee, that was, and is and shall be.” – Robert Browning

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Very little in this essay is original with me. It is a collection of thoughts, poems and scriptures that I will be using in delivering a funeral sermon this Monday. if you desire to know the source of any of the quotations used, please let me know. I am not plagiarizing, I just don’t usually mention my sources when delivering the address.

Picture: Christ at the Door, Artist, Del Parson
© 2002 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.

What is this thing that men call death?

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I recently read an article in Newsweek about how others view LDS funerals. I was a little surprised at their surprise of how things usually go in our funerals. Are our funerals so very different? And from an essay found in the LDS Newsroom commenting about funerals after the funeral of President Hinckley, “What is This Thing That Men Call Death?“:

“Mormon funerals are typically marked by an atmosphere of hopefulness and peace. They generally are not burdened by the inconsolable grief and despair so often seen in other funerals. Latter-day Saints who mourn the death of loved ones are lightened by the assurance and understanding that the gospel of Jesus Christ offers.

“In addition, some might be surprised by the lack of formal ritual in these funerals. The commemoration service is conducted by a lay minister and features heartfelt tributes and comforting music. Moreover, the basic format, tone and length of President Hinckley’s funeral are typical of what might be seen in the funerals of regular Church members.

“Regarding the undaunted way in which Latter-day Saints confront death, well-known literary scholar Harold Bloom proclaimed the following in American Religion, page 29:

“What is the essence of religion? … Religion rises inevitably from our apprehension of our own death. To give meaning to meaninglessness is the endless quest of all religion.

“… Of all religions that I know, the one that most vehemently and persuasively defies and denies the reality of death is the original Mormonism of the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator Joseph Smith.”

I like that. It cuts right to the chase, doesn’t it? We are all brought to equal ground when confronted with the question of how we will face death. When all is said and done, how will we feel when we are called to pass through the veil and enter the world of the spirits there?

I concur with the writer’s assessment of Mormon funerals. I prefer them to other types of funerals I have attended. It is true that there are usually no displays of inconsolable grief and despair, or at least among the faithful who understand the doctrine of eternity.

Update: The words to the hymn can be found on the Deseret News website.

A PDF of the sheet music to the hymn is also being shared by the Deseret News.

What do you think? Are LDS funerals really that different from those of other faiths?