No, I don’t think the Brethren are saying that we shouldn’t know or talk about the doctrines or history beyond what we find in the approved teaching materials. On the contrary, we are always being encouraged to study and become knowledgeable about the doctrine and history and use it in our conversations and dialog with others.

In the story of my mother’s experience, I should add that my mother was absolutely intense when it came to teaching. She was a professional and knew her stuff. When she prepared a gospel doctrine lesson, she spent all week preparing to teach it, sometimes eight to ten hours a day, all week. Of course she was retired by this time.

Many people loved her teaching. I loved her teaching. It was legendary in the wards where she lived over the years. She left an impression and got people talking and thinking about the gospel perhaps like never before. Unfortunately, she could be very intolerant of others who weren’t as passionate as she was and it showed.

That’s why it saddened me so much when my parents stopped going to church after they left Utah and came back to California to live out the remaining years of their lives. Mother had so much to give but she no longer taught in the church. She immersed herself in genealogy and family history work and pursued other interests.

I don’t think it is the studying of material beyond the approved curriculum that causes individuals to become less active in the church. There are as many reasons as there are people as to why they leave the church. I’m looking forward to reading John Dehlin’s book about this very subject when it comes out. Thanks again for sharing.

My dad was my hero growing up. He set an incredible example for me of how to be a great priesthood holder.

I just wanted to bring up another point: my dad sometimes used other material to teach lessons–not church approved. In a while, after I graduated high school, my dad became inactive. We can see now that the leaders of the church stress that we stick to the lesson materials that are provided, not that they don’t want us to know or talk about certain things, but that we understand and review the basic and fundamental doctrines the best–all of this being for a variety of obvious reasons.

I’m not saying your mother didn’t stick to the lesson plans–maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. I just wanted to lay this out there.

Miguel Lomelino
Antwerp Belgium Stake

http://www.miguellomelino.com

I deleted your comments because they had nothing to do with the essay. I kept a copy and will gladly dialog with you privately about the issues you raised if you like. However, if you take the time to go through more of my essays here on Latter-day Commentary, I am confident that you will find answers to all the questions you raised. Thanks for stopping by.

http://forum.newordermormon.org/viewtopic.php?p=88360#88360

Your take on the story is very astute. Mother was very proud of her abilities, talents, experience and exceptional skills. She delighted in pointing out how much better she could do in many situations where the brethren of the Priesthood did not measure up to her expectations.

She had a hard time understanding how the Lord could use the humble farmers, ranchers and other common men of the world to preside and lead in His church. Funny, she married one. My dad is the most humble, loving, kind, generous man in the world. He was a farmer.

I guess she thought that any man that was asked to conduct a meeting , speak in church or teach a lesson should be at least as prepared and as polished as she was. It was ingrained into my soul at an early age that if I were to ever be in a similar position that she would expect better from me.

She loved discussing the gospel and could not get enough from those who really knew their stuff. Her intensity in wanting to know the doctrine and history was passed on to me. It is also my passion. It was unfortunate that her intolerance caused her to take offense so easily and led her out of the church in due time.

Perfectionism has serious side effects, doesn’t it? She was so good at what she did that it was hard to accept anything less from others. Nevertheless, we are blessed when we can accept the excellence in another and gently blow away the chaff of defects.

How did the Savior do it? His perfection in this area was complete. He deserved all the praise and adoration he received from those who loved him. He commands us to be perfect yet so willingly accepts us as we are, no matter our imperfections. Would that mother had been able to do this before she left the church.

Towards the end of her life she often asked me how she could get back into the church. I did not understand her reticence and encouraged her to simply go and at least take the sacrament. She so much wanted to return to the temple that she loved so dearly.

Had she lived a bit longer I am confident that mother would have accomplished her desire. Alas, an unexpected medical emergency took her to the spirit world in a short two weeks after it was manifest. I miss my mother but expect to see her on the other side with so many of those for whom she performed the ordinances of salvation.

I’m sorry she had such a tough time.