In the first fifteen minutes of the very first of the ten talks, titled “Be of Good Cheer, Be of Good Courage,” given in Boise on 10 Sep 2013, Denver said the following (at time stamp 12:23): “We equate in large measure, repentance, with whatever it is you’re doing with your genitals.” At this moment in the recording, you can hear a short, high-pitched exclamation from a woman in the audience. He obviously got her attention with that statement.
Continuing, “Joseph equates redemption and repentance with whatever it is you’re doing with your heart and with your mind. The problem we must overcome to obtain salvation is our profound ignorance. And what the gospel offers defies ignorance, subdues it, challenges it, destroys it, and leaves it in the dark. So, let’s try and search into, and obtain some illumination.”
A Modern English Rendering
In Third Nephi 12:27-30, we read, “27 Behold, it is written by them of old time, that thou shalt not commit adultery; 28 But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman, to lust after her, hath committed adultery already in his heart. 29 Behold, I give unto you a commandment, that ye suffer none of these things to enter into your heart; 30 For it is better that ye should deny yourselves of these things, wherein ye will take up your cross, than that ye should be cast into hell.”
In the Covenant of Christ, these verses have been rendered in 3 Ne 5:27 as follows: “Remember also, it was written since ancient time that you shall not commit adultery; but I say to you that anyone who engages in deliberate planning to seduce a woman to sin sexually has already committed adultery in his heart. Hear now: I command you to not let any of these things enter your heart, for it’s better to stop doing any of these things, and carry your own cross, rather than to be cast into hell.”
A Proposal to Change a Covenant
Peter Martin has proposed (Proposal 14) that this text be changed to: “Remember also, it was written since ancient time that you shall not commit adultery; but I say to you that anyone who looks at a woman to indulge his lust for her, has already committed adultery in his heart. Hear now: I command you to not let any of these things enter your heart, for it’s better to disallow yourselves these things, and thereby carry your cross, rather than to be cast into hell.” (or at least something close to that to preserve the originally intended meaning of this passage).
I disagree with Peter’s proposal. This is the phrase or the wording which he apparently dislikes: “engages in deliberate planning to seduce a woman to sin sexually.” Peter has proposed rendering the verse (“looks at a woman to indulge his lust for her”) similar to the previous wording which adds back the word lust. After learning more about the process of how the Covenant of Christ came forth, I would not begin to think of changing the wording.
The Lord Accepted the Work
There’s a basic disconnect here. Denver has shared how he had been told by the Lord that once the work had been completed, his job is to defend the work. In fact, I believe Denver shared he was chastised by the Lord for accepting the suggestion of someone he trusted to change the wording of some other passage. Upon pressing “send” on an email, he immediately knew that the Lord was not pleased. The Covenant is not to be changed.
I think every man noticed the change in the wording of this verse. I am positive the Lord changed the wording for a reason. Go back to the emphasis Denver placed in the first of the ten talks about the heart and mind. He stated Joseph equates redemption and repentance with whatever it is you are doing with your heart and mind. When you study something and internalize it into your heart, you are changing the core of your spiritual DNA.
Lust not the Same as Seduction
Can you see the difference? I do. Admiring a woman with your eyes, while some may consider this lust, is not the same as plotting how to seduce a woman to sin sexually, which is something done deep in the heart and mind with the intent to deceive or control, or both. The intent of the verse is not to define lust, but to condemn the evil intent of planning and plotting how to seduce a woman to sin sexually with him. Leave the words in place that the Lord gave us.
I read a statistic the other day that 98% of men admitted they had engaged in lust at some point in time of their lives. Of course, statistics can be made to lie, but in my experience serving in the Young Adult ward and in other bishoprics over the years, I am inclined to believe this. The Lord gave men testosterone, a hormone that in part, brings out a desire to seek a woman with whom to procreate. Testosterone drives a man to seek to please a woman so she will choose him.
How to Please a Woman
There are many ways to please a woman. A lot of it depends on the woman and what she wants. Some are focused on looks, body type, personality, or even his wealth. There’s nothing wrong with that. Others are focused on the way they perceive the man will treat children. That’s a great determining factor since she will be bringing children into the world and will need the man to love her children or at least not kill them (see this parable).
But the best way a man can please a woman, in my humble experience, is to love her, provide for her, encourage her, help her feel special, and lead her to Christ. In marriage, the woman enters into a covenant with the Lord and with the man. As long as they love and serve one another, she is bound to him and he to her. A woman can put up with a lot of disappointment from an imperfect man, but as long as she feels the love of the man, and confirms it with the Lord, they are golden.
Lust is not Deliberate Deception
Can you imagine how awful it would be to enter into a relationship with a man who had plotted to deceive you to sin sexually with him? There’s no quicker way to feel used and abused than by succumbing to the enticings of a man who has planned his conquest and wooed you with the intent to deceive. On the other hand, if you have seen that the man looks upon you with admiration, and appreciates your beauty, or your cleverness, your skill in some area, or your talent, how does that make you feel?
I have sat in many church disciplinary councils (now called membership councils) over the years, both at the stake level and at the ward level. All at the stake level were for endowed men, while most at the ward level were for women, endowed or not. I have seen the heartbreak of deception on both women and men. The pain of the woman who has been deceived by a man who used and abused her is especially hard to bear. She gave her all to this man and he had only one thing in mind: to control her.
Lust and Control
Back to the statistic about lust. I think every woman knows when a man is lusting after her or any other woman. Lust is a natural part of our human existence. As a man I can tell you that, like Jimmy Carter, I have lusted. I suppose my definition of lust is to become aroused. After decades of practice, I still find myself having to work hard to control myself. The natural man in me appreciates and desires a beautiful woman. I control my eyes to control that lust.
I have no desire to control a woman. I hate the whole idea of any man trying to control a woman. I delight in her expressions of agency. I love encouraging her and helping her to find fulfillment in whatever the Lord places into her heart to do. She is fully capable of receiving inspiration from God, and in fact, is much wiser than I am in so many ways. She also has hormones but she seems much more practiced than I am in controlling herself, or so I have observed.
Worth and Worthiness
I don’t think I know Peter Martin (update: I met him in the Zoom meeting to discuss the proposals on 3-8-25), but I think I understand his intent. That verse is powerful. It has worked upon the hearts of the children of men for generations. It causes men especially to find strength and encouragement to control the urges of the natural man. Unfortunately, it has also caused the conflation of two words in the English language, especially in the LDS Church: worth and worthiness.
Worth is a measure of value, based on its qualities or how much it’s valued. For example, you might say “The food is worth the wait.” It is related to the concept of self-worth, which is an internal sense of being worthy of love and belonging from others. We use the word worthwhile as an adjective that describes something as deserving the effort, time, or cost involved. However, to me worth of the human soul is measured by what we bring with us.
Worthiness is a quality of deserving respect or attention. For example, you might describe a project, cause, or aim as worthy. Worthiness can also refer to the quality of having great or adequate merit, character, or value. In contemporary society, worthiness is often measured by criteria such as success, wealth, appearance, and social recognition. In the LDS Church, worthiness is determined on one’s ability to answer temple recommend questions.
A Real-World Application
The word lust is being given much more power than it deserves, especially in the LDS Church. It is often defined as the gateway to adultery. In one disciplinary council of a man who had committed adultery (not endowed), after the confession, the man was excused and we began our deliberations as a bishopric. I have thoughts about the whole concept of confession, especially having to confess twice, but I’ll leave those for another post and another day.
I was a little shocked by the words of the bishop when he said, “Why didn’t the man just masturbate to relieve his stress?” I think the other members of the council (we in the bishopric) laughed and asked for an explanation. “Well, his wife was obviously not giving him any comfort and was using sex as a tool to control him. I can see why he went out and sought for comfort elsewhere.” The bishop was a wise man. He knew more about the situation than we did.
Reaffirming My Self-Worth
Like you, I have felt unworthy many times in my life, especially after receiving some great blessing from the Lord, such as a vision or a dream. In my youth I received several answers to prayer that resulted in visions of seeing myself at some future point in my life, which gave me motivation to prepare for the fulfillment of those visions. In my old age, I am constantly being given dreams that, to quote Scrooge, are in no way the result of an undigested bit of beef.
I have trained myself to record my dreams when they wake me up, which they often do. I then analyze them and am always impressed by the profound symbolism of what I have recorded. I recorded a dream the other night in which I had reaffirmed to me the purpose of life and the worth of my soul. After I recorded the dream, I checked with the Lord to see if there was anything he wanted me to do with it. Yes, He wanted me to forgive myself for a poor decision.
Decisions and Actions
I went back in time and reviewed all the times in which I thought I had made a poor decision for which I had not forgiven myself. I even created a document listing everything I could think of back to my earliest childhood memories. I am grateful I have my journal to help me remember. I was able to pinpoint one particular time where I felt I had messed up. I paused, thinking I had already resolved this issue. The Lord helped me see it differently.
“You forgave yourself for the action you took, but not for the decision you made.” I dug a little more. “What do you mean?” The Lord is very gracious in answering. “You decided that since you took that action, you were not worth much to me.” I got it. He was right. That was a long time ago. I have learned much since that day. My worth had not diminished, but I thought it had. I used that false thought at the time, which was not inspired by the Lord, to justify my poor decision.
A Binding Agent to Seal
Using my definition of lust, which has served me well throughout my life, I have come to appreciate that it is a God-given blessing that is part of mortality. It has been a powerful binding agent sealing me to my wife. We are one, or at least one in purpose – to love and support each other and encourage our son in his journey. I am grateful for this gift, for my body, and for my agency, all of which I use every day to accomplish good things. It is a source of positive energy.
I hope the people will honor the word of the Lord which we have received, as the Covenant that it is. We do not have the right to change it. He inspired the words. He is the source of the Covenant that guides our daily walk in life. Let us be wise in the way we receive His word as it has been revealed through His servants, both ancient and modern. We are of great worth to the Lord and He wants us to use all that He has given us, to grow, to love, and to bless others.
